All Hail To The Football God: Madden vs. Woman

Written by: Franklin D. Rivers III

Its August ladies, you what that means? That your boyfriend, husband, or whatever you choose to call him will detach from you until the first feeling of cold. Much like a hibernating bear, Madden is like his food storage the winter. Old high school and college football dreams lived live online everyday for hours is the main course with NFL Sundays as dessert each week.

If you can’t beat him join him I say ladies. If he doesn’t want to get off the sticks and chooses to have foreplay with the Dallas Cowboys vs. the Tennessee Titans in a Super Bowl match up, then purchase those team colors in four-inch heels and a custom baby football jersey with his name and number on it. Something a little sexy to match with the jersey and heels; walk right up in front of the screen and tell him to play you or Madden. I promise he will cancel is game on sight!!!! He will probably laugh, smile and be speechless all at the same time. Pick of the sticks with him and play his favorite team versus that teams rival. Tell him rules are my team gets a eighty percent football IQ stats in every area and your team gets twenty percent in the same area. Say I’m your eighty the rest of the world is your twenty you live in and you’ll never win, if he don’t get that say I’m Jerry Rice/Emmitt Smith/ Doug Williams and any other woman is Matt Jones/ Maurice Clarrett / Jamarcus Russell she’ll never win.

Play to win even if you don’t know what you’re doing and ask questions while your playing. This will teach you the game along the way. Make Sundays, Mondays and Thursdays Madden nights and I don’t think your man will argue. Madden is mindless television for men, “the Bad Girls Club online where you hit each other,” its emotional, expressive and honest to the his core. Get good enough and Madden time is always a good time for the both of you. He will be at work saying how much more he loves Madden and you.

Don’t forget the touchdown celebration dance when you score either. iPod ready, Teach Me How To Dougie first play on the playlist and your best Chad Ochocinco impression will do the trick just fine and I promises you both will quit the game by half time. Ladies then you will be saying “All Hail To The Football God Madden” as well.

For tips and cheats to beat your man head over, log onto to IGN.com or pick up the Madden guide at a local Gamestop.

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 Franklin D. Rivers III

 B.S. Interdisciplinary Studies – Natural Sciences
Tennessee State University 2008
 
M.S. Strategic Leadership Candidate
Tennessee State University 2011
 
USA Track and Field Level II Certified Coach
Jumps - Rice University 2008
Endurance - Villanova University 2010